$110k in Debt

In my next life, maybe I'll consider being a financial therapist

I spent the afternoon swirling and twirling in a sea of testosterone, maintaining eye contact as I matched my right arm with his outstretched left. The sweltering summer heat on the East Coast was not lost on us; as the afternoon grew more humid, our skins glistened more, our breaths grew deeper and louder, while the music seemed to fade into the background. As the last notes of the decrescendo faded away, we took it as our cue to gracefully shift to the next partner.

Riding the express train back home, I reflected on how far I had come in my dance journey and how starting salsa was truly one of the year’s highlights. All I had to do was show up, switch my brain to autopilot, and let my dance partner lead me through the movements. Now, heading back home, my brain switched gears to calculating mode, focusing on my impending move from New York to California. I pulled out my phone to search for one-bedroom apartments near my new office and, more importantly, within my budget. It was my first time house hunting, and I was aiming for apartments with the choicest amenities.

I selected my filters, hit “Done,” and beamed with excitement as I waited. The smile vanished from my face the moment I saw the first search result—it was triple what I had budgeted! As I scrolled down, I thought to myself, “Clearly, they cater to the likes of VCs, wealthy startup founders, and Silicon Valley executives looking to settle in the Bay Area. But I shall find a few options that suit an upcoming Rich Babe like myself.” With every scroll, every filter modification, and every mile I added to my search radius, my dream of living in a white-furnished one-bedroom apartment within a ten-mile radius of my office cracked until it shattered beyond recognition.

I stowed away my phone, leaned back, and started drafting a mental budget: “Rent - $3k; Bills - $300; Groceries... Uh, okay, no more eating out. No more random Hinge dates. Thank goodness for the free coffee at the office. No more…” My thoughts were interrupted by a voice in front of me saying, “Dude, you have only $88k in debt, yours is way better, man. I’m sitting on $110k debt.”

My ears perked up with alacrity, and I turned around to see if anyone else had caught what I had just heard. Unfortunately, the train was empty, and there was no one to corroborate my story, just in case we all found ourselves in court. And he continued, “Dude, in London last year, you spent like $12k.” The dude in question replied, “Yaaah, last year was crazy. This year, I’m only traveling on budget flights. I’m spending two weeks: one in London and one in Portugal. I’ll just do a balance transfer to a new credit card with 0% interest for a year.”

I was initially shocked. There I was, pondering how to fit my rent into a tight budget, and here was another person vacationing despite looming debt. Girl, stop judging without knowing the full story, my subconscious reprimanded me. The first guy continued, “Dude, you go on dates a lot. And you pay for most of those dates, right?” The other guy replied, “Yeah, I do. I don’t even know why I do that, and I tend to take them to fancy places.” He added, “You know, law school was freaking expensive.” Oh, that makes sense, I thought. College and grad school education in this country can trap one in a debt maze. I was honestly trying to wrap my head around how they accumulated such debt because it couldn’t just be travel and dates, right?

I could pick up every single thing they were saying because these men in front of me weren’t trying to whisper. They were loud and clear about their money situation. The conversation shifted to talks about Dude 1’s girlfriend who was going to spend her entire summer in France because her family was “loaded”, as they put it. Next, they discussed the jobs they were about to start after their summer trip. At that point, I had mixed up their voices and I wasn’t sure who was Dude $110k and who was Dude $88k. One got into a big law firm and would be on track to paying off his debt faster than the other who was resuming in a Mayor’s office or something of that nature. Then one of them mentioned, “My roommate is about to start working for my arch-nemesis. I sent him the job ID; thought he’d be a good fit since they’re both assholes.” 

They both turned their heads in my direction. I hadn’t realized I burst out laughing. I can’t help it; holding a good laugh is off-brand for me. However, I saw this as an opportunity to interact with them and asked, “Hi, mind if I join you guys? You both seem like interesting people.” They both had this look on their face like, Who is this stranger? but in a typical American polite fashion, they both said, “Sure, feel free to.” And I took them at their word. I moved to their row, introduced myself, and began asking them questions about life, travel, school, and if they were excited about their new jobs. I also shared a bit about myself, including the fact that I would be leaving New York in less than a month. I must have teased them a little to not cheapen out on their suits like Mike Ross.  I know what you’re thinking and yes, I did feel a twinge of guilt for lightly pushing them towards investing in quality suits, especially when they're just beginning their careers and grappling with loan payments. 

Their stop came first, and we said our goodbyes. As the train started moving again, my overanalyzing mind sprang into action. The first thought that came to mind was whether such a conversation could unfold among friends taking public transport in Nigeria. My guess? A resounding no. Culturally, personal finance matters are discussed behind doors that are not only closed but are locked and bolted. And behind those doors are either oneself or at most one or two relatively close people. Even having the entire family present is considered a crowd. The same applies to travel dates and baby delivery dates; we’d prefer to take these numbers to the grave, lest our enemies carry them to the coven.

It is deceptively straightforward to fall into debt in an economy where credit is issued after just submitting a few details to some faceless entity, accompanied by a pat on the back and a casual, “Okay, take this $5k now, and we'll ask for it at the end of next month, okay? You indicated on your form that you have some kind of income coming in, so we 'trust' that you'll be able to pay up once it's due.” And in a tone as subtle as the tiny ‘Unsubscribe’ button at the bottom of every marketing email you no longer wish to receive, they add, “If we do not receive your payment by the end of next month, you'll have to pay an interest of 24% on the amount you spent.” But off you go, now with $5k you can use to address some of your pressing needs, and, of course, indulgences. Furthermore, you have the option to open two or three more $5k credit lines within the same period, giving you access to about $15k - $20k, for example.

However, in a country where consumer spending is dictated solely by the cash on hand at any given moment, debt is often incurred for essential needs: a child’s education, to prevent home eviction, medical expenses, or for business loans. In the case of business loans, people traditionally borrowed from the banks, where the repayment terms were stated in black and white. Before Nigeria, nosedived into our current crumbling state of inflation, your ‘Urgent 2k’ would typically be gotten from family members or friends. Depending on who you got it from, the repayment terms could be in the lighter shades of gray. The fact that there was a face behind the money, you were more akin to using it for its intended purpose, with a strong motivation to pay back. Or not, because there was also the angle of “She’s my cousin, will she arrest me if I don’t pay back?” Or “This man is more than this N50k he borrowed me. I don’t think I have to pay back.”  Despite these wanton rationalizations, borrowing took a huge deal of humility and effort. Would you, while already servicing one debt, take out another loan for a leisure trip?

I started daydreaming about what life in Nigeria would look like if we also ran the credit system. Imagine paying electricity bills with a credit card, or paying your school fees, or buying fuel, or buying an iPhone, or going to the club and ordering bottle service, or buying a Chanel purse, or having a mortgage system to buy and build your house. My reverie was interrupted by the train’s announcement of my stop, dragging me back to reality like a child being pulled by their legs from an amusement park, while their fingers claw at the ground and they scream. As I left the train, one question circled in my head, “If you had the power to see your future and discovered you were $110k in debt, considering your personality and tendencies, what series of events might you say led you there?”¹

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1. Let me know in the comment section!

2. My sincere apologies for the months of silence. I lost my writing notebook shortly after moving to California. I must have left it in an Uber or in church. I don’t really know how it got away from me, but the last I remember, I was holding it while in a vehicle on my way to church. All my thoughts, observations, rough drafts, ideas, plans for subsequent posts, etc., were all in that small notebook. Losing it felt like losing a part of my memory. Overcoming that loss was hard. The move to a new city, starting a new job, and settling into a new apartment all contributed to my disorganization, and I wasn’t as forthcoming as I would have liked to be. But a huge thank you to everyone who checked up on me over the past six months. And a big shoutout to all of you who made it through this post. Until the next post, stay blessed!